That old devil

Bismillah

Shaitaan is on my back.
He's on the attack.
He won't leave it alone
Until I turn back.

The night before I left for South Africa, I said what I had been feeling all evening, I said it aloud: 'I don't want to go'. I'm thinking of packing, of forgetting things and remembering them again, of my family left behind, of my family that awaits. I'm thinking of confusion and misunderstandings, of a crisis of confidence: 'I shouldn't be doing this. I'm not who they think I am'. Maybe it's that old devil, Shaitaan, trying to throw me off-course, wanting me confused, disoriented, creating bad feelings to leave behind as mementoes.

Then... calm.
Allah is the author of all that exists, all that has been and will be.
And He has written this for me.

For what purpose? To what aim? As a test? As a reward? As an opportunity to grow? In all of life's ups and downs, there is an chance to grow. From the stillest and most meaningful of prayers when your heart is tranquil, your limbs at ease, your focus firmly fixed on your Lord, your Creator, Al-Wadood, Ar-Rahman; fixed on your ultimate goal and your ultimate end. This is a chance to grow.
From the bitter pain of a lost or stolen dream, when your heart cries out and your tears sear your cheeks - and you are forced to re-focus and reflect and find acceptance and find peace. This is a chance to grow.

So I pray that, whatever this trip has in store, of good or bad, I will take the opportunity to grow and come back enriched and refreshed, inspired and energised. For grow I must, in closeness to my Lord, as a Muslim, as a woman, as a sister and a friend.

There is so much work to be done.
Am I woman enough to do it?
N.

"I take refuge within Allah's perfect words which no righteous or unrighteous person can transgress, from all the evil that He has created, made and originated. (I take refuge) from the evil that descends from the sky and the evil that rises up to it. (I take refuge) from the evil that is spread on the earth and the evil that springs from her and I take refuge from the evil of the tribulations of night and day and the evil of the one who visits at night except the one who brings good, O Merciful One."
Du'a said to ward off the deception of the obstinate shayateen; Ahmad with an authentic chain